I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
