At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
