how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
