their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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