i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
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