I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Church boner. Awkwardddd
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
