well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
