I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
