I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
