I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
