Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
