; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Randomize
