Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
