Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
