I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Randomize
