the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Just puked most of my soul out..
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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