she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
