dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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