you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
