i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
