Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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