It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
never play flip cup with pint glasses
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
