Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
