Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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