I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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