I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
