my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
