RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
