ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
