just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
