You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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