Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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