dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
