i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
