Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
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