I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
