He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
