ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Randomize
