why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
