Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
