Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
