as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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