I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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