Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
