Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize