My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
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