What did we do last night that was yellow?
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
