I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Randomize
