alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
