I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
