His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
