well I can't set my house on fire every night
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
