Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize