My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
