Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
