Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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