Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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