New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
