I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
