Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
