so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
