i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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