I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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