She's JV to your varsity
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
