My friends, they love my intelligence
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize