your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
