the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
